I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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