I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
