Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
