College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
