4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
