If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
