Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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