so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
