Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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