4 words: hood of his car
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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