You made me cry and you don't even care
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize