Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize