I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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