Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
