Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
