And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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