I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
