the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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