There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
