All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
