I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
