Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
