did you get engaged???
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
