He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize