The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MIDGETS
????
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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