I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So squirting runs in the family.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
