We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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