I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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