Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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