so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize