I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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