If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
