I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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