You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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