Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
