careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
one might say we're banned from that church
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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