she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
