We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
