Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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