the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
