I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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