....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
