i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
