Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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