i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
