I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize