nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
