I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
