My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
