Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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