whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
