His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
