im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
