And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's shark week go big or go home
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
