Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
