Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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