So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
