oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize