she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
