wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
