careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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