ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
