How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
