sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
