This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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