He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
