in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
