Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
