dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
