My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
