I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
