Do you still have your period?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
