Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
