Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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