at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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