I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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