Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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