my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
