One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
