It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
