you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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