"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
do nipples grow back?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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