So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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