awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
