I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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