it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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