he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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