You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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