please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
