I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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