The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
