Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I enjoy the company of your penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize