Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
