You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
