I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
