She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
