if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
