3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
