I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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