She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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