R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
