Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
