it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
