what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
