Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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