he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
