All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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