I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You smell like stripper and shame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
