Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
