i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
