No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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