even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
