I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
