Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The uberlube is also flammable
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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