It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
