Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
