dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
