I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
