I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize